I had a surprising revelation when I went home this year.
Coming into the holiday season I was filled with excitement one can only get as a child. Hell I watch Elf about 5 times and starting screaming SANTA'S COMING on my trading floor.
I had hope for a white christmas, caroling with my family and being silly with friends. It was the kind of feeling of joy and childish giddiness. I felt fortunate this year
Through all the triumphs, failures, and especially heartaches I felt much more aware of how lucky I was. I am doing well at work, got a nice condo and even though a piece of my heart was still missing it didnt hurt as much.
I went back to NY to a slew of friends family and events.
Having said that I noticed a distinct change in the atmosphere of everyone. The holiday season wasn't joyous for everyone and everyone lives have changes so much in the past years that the closeness of all my friends have somewhat slipped.
And then I realized no matter how hard we try we cant recapture the exuberance we had as a child. We're all grow ups now and have lives to live. we have began to set our biases and lost close connections with one another. Even my own family traditions have began to slip and I realized even my cousins are getting older.
As much as we hope that christmas is a time to renew good will to all and believe that there are still joy to be found in the little things, sometimes life does get in the way.
and while I will carry the torch of eternal optimism and hope for good will to all, I must also realize I have grown up and somethings are what they are.
We grow neither better nor worse as we get old, but more like ourselves
