No win

How is it that I find myself in this situation? is it possible that I am just fooling myself or is there real substance behind the pain.

as I watch this week the market turmoil I too have felt the ups and downs quite sharply. and like the market I cant find rhyme or reason to the swing.

I need sleep

Duck

On the surface all is calm. It sits on the pond drifting in serene waters. It instills a sense of peace. Underneath web feet frantically peddle to keep the creature afloat. Yet no disturbance of the water is visible. How can such contradiction occur? Where raging movement can sustain tranquillity.

I have felt like this for almost a week now. Where torrents of thoughts comes and goes, frantically keeping my surface still. I have yet to reconcile this paradox must less find the answers to my thoughts. For now the web feet must work to keep the body calm in a serene pond.

Faith is not simply a patience that passively suffers until the storm is past. Rather, it is a spirit that bears things - with resignations, yes, but above all, with blazing, serene hope.

For anything worth having one must pay the price; and the price is always work, patience, love, self-sacrifice - no paper currency, no promises to pay, but the gold of real service.

The grind

How come I can't get pass. There is a nagging hole that somehow keeps rearing it's ugly head. I've try to keep busy but I keep having vivid dreams that wakes me. As much I can tell myself I need to let go and move on my subconscious will not let me. And now fate is no longer in my hands.

I shouldnt be feeling this way. My carrer is going sky high, I'm in the process to buy a place and I have friends who cares for me.

I know that I have been way too nice a guy but I cant seem to be switch that part off.  Am I over romantacizing thing? Have I develope a martyr complex? Or do I turly still feel the same desire? ''

I wish I had an anwer

Forgiveness

How many of us are capable of forgiveness? To look those we perceive has done us wrong and truly let go of resentment without righteous indignation. Does the process include bringing those who has hurt you into your arms and embraced them as you would a friend? as a lover?

It is always easy to cut ties when relation strain and tempers flare. The scar on our mind and hearts serves as a constant reminder of pain and hurt. As time passes, scars collected jade our mind and dilute our ability to open and share. We shield ourself in hope we never experience that pain again and slowly we become incapable to try, to do and to love. But I must forgive for I will always try, constantly do and be open to love. 

Forgive many things in others; nothing in yourself

Got nothing

Planning a trip to Japan has got me excited about traveling again. Time to head over to the land of the rising sun. Assuming radiation levels are self I will indulge in MOUNTAINS of sushi, yakatori, sake and BEER.

MMMMMM BEEEEERRRRRR

The highs and the lows

So a lot of my friends have been forming a line to smack the bejesus out of me and you know what I cant blame em. I've turn into mush, puddle, goo, the creamy center of a jelly doughnut. And as much as tough love hurts, it hurts less than my self imposed stupidity. Everyone is right, WHAT IN JEBUS NAME WAS I THINKING? I AM AWESOMER THAN THIS. Is that a word? Awesomer? you know what I am AWESOME cause I just invented AWESOMER.

My friends are right. I do more and think of others before I think of myself and they would NEVER take advantage of that. Some transgression cant be undone no matter how much we want it to. We cant wish to undo something, it takes real action. And although sadness will creep into my conscientiousness like waves crashing on a beach. I will build a levee through trial and tribulations until truer intentions sails into the harbor cause I am AWESOMER.

BTW Hows the use of metaphors ???    OH AND I COPYRIGHT AWESOMER SO YOU CAN FORGET IT