I lost my Grandmom recently. On a moments notice I flew back to NY went without sleep for 2 days to be at her bed side to say my good byes.
On Valentines days this year I lost someone dear to me. Someone who raise 3 generations of my entire family and was there for my entire life. On a day about love I learn what it really meant. I learned more about who I am and about my own past. Nothing is more painful to see someone go. Yet while I mourned I wasn't sad. She saw all her kids and grand kids grow up and many of the grand kids are full grown adults going on to have great lives. Hell we even have a future doctor in our mitts.
AS I sit in the late hour (ok it's only 9pm but I get up pretty fucking early) I reflect on the good, the bad, the sumblime and the heart breaking moments. Those you love will never leave your heart and while they may not be there with you, you were better to off to have them in your life. Life, no matter how painful is a leason well worth learning.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Friday, January 20, 2012
Sigh
Today is someone's b day party. Although I was indirectly invited to the same event I decided not to go.
I had an conversation with a mutual friend and uncharacteristicy I felt a lot of Anger
Every time I think I made progress something else creeps back in. This time in just pure anger.
I dont want up hating her and yet I cant forgive her. For all the bullshit, immaturity and flat out lies.
Now my friend said I shouldnt be angry and maybe he's right. She didnt steal from me or hurt me physically
but on a emotional level I just feel SO HURT I know I'm too serious at times but I just feel every time I take 2 steps forward I take a step back
someone once said I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken -- and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived.
I wish I can see it was
I had an conversation with a mutual friend and uncharacteristicy I felt a lot of Anger
Every time I think I made progress something else creeps back in. This time in just pure anger.
I dont want up hating her and yet I cant forgive her. For all the bullshit, immaturity and flat out lies.
Now my friend said I shouldnt be angry and maybe he's right. She didnt steal from me or hurt me physically
but on a emotional level I just feel SO HURT I know I'm too serious at times but I just feel every time I take 2 steps forward I take a step back
someone once said I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken -- and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived.
I wish I can see it was
Monday, January 2, 2012
the New year
Uncharacteristically I read my horoscope today
http://shine.yahoo.com/astrology/aquarius/yearly-love/
That's a bit creepy as it hits a bit close to home.
Maybe I can finally let go and view the world as I once did. with boundless optimism and with a sort of hopeless love that has been missing.
If I learn anything is that nothing is more painful than unrequited love. But I vow not to let that take away from that big heart I give to the world.
http://shine.yahoo.com/astrology/aquarius/yearly-love/
That's a bit creepy as it hits a bit close to home.
Maybe I can finally let go and view the world as I once did. with boundless optimism and with a sort of hopeless love that has been missing.
If I learn anything is that nothing is more painful than unrequited love. But I vow not to let that take away from that big heart I give to the world.
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